Some of you may have the impression that I'm just a great big ball of hate, venom, bile and piss and vinegar. I don't know what gave you this impression, I truly don't, but it seems to me that I need to give my public image a bit of a spit shine and buff out the more noticeable dents.
Without enjoying the resources to afford a world class PR agency and being woefully bereft of the skills required to mount a proper charm offensive, not to mention far too lazy to go back and delete any incendiary posts or tweets, I suppose I could give the truth a go. It worked so well for Chris Huhne after all.
I get angry very easily. To the point where a barely imagined slight will drive me to apoplexy. Someone talking too loudly to their friend on the train, or just any group of teenagers for that matter, will drive me mad.
Take my commute for work. The ride in is usually fine. I catch the first lot of trains at around 6am, so it's not too busy and the delays (generally) haven't started yet. The trains are not top of the range, certainly not overly plush, but then I don't expect or want first class throughout. It's a train, not my front room or something out of MTV cribs.
I (generally) get exactly what I want from my commute in to work: The leg room is good, tables are generally available along with a much coveted Double Seat. The carriages are a good temperature; not hot enough to need to take your coat off, but you could if you wanted to. Most people are catching some shut eye and it's only occasionally a couple of idiot teenagers that spoil the silence. If not teenagers then a couple of middle aged Thelma and Louise types who appear to be embarking on some sort of adventure. They're so fucking chirpy for that time in the morning it's obscene! You are surrounded by grumpy people going to work. Shhhhh!
Those kids though, really should be packed into their own carriage. Or taught the error of their ways using methods that bear a striking resemblance to frying pan inspired cartoon violence.
Dear lord they bring out the beast in me. Last Monday morning, for example, was a complete and utter clusterfuck. It seemed as if the entire rail network had gone out at the weekend and got ruinously drunk. Signal problems at Worcester Shrub Hill meant that trains couldn't leave their depot and as is the case with any minor train problem early on, it snowballs. These trains were late which begat later trains which then gave birth to congestion, cancellations and routes being altered mid-journey.
I was slightly late and missed the 6am bus at the bottom of my street, which should have meant that I got the next one at half 6, got in to Brum for 7:15 and then the 7:19 to Malvern, getting into work half an hour later than expected.
Nope.
The 7:19 was allegedly 40 minutes late so it was rammed to the gills when two sets of commuters got on. As we went along we were told to change at Droitwich for Worcester Foregate Street and Malvern. A few stops later, we were told to stay on for Worcester Foregate Street and then change for Malvern.
All very tedious I’m sure you’ll agree but as the morning gets later, the trains become packed with lots and lots of horrible children and teenagers.
The “Rudeboys” that got on at Bromsgrove/Droitwich made me laugh. Well, they make me laugh now I’m sat here writing this. At the time I just wanted to choke each one and ram many, many elbows into their stupid, annoying, wannabe gangster, ignorant, loud fat faces. These kids couldn’t have acted harder and more street if they tried. They got on at Bromsgrove and got off at Malvern. I very much suspect that Mummy or Daddy dropped them off at the station just prior to taking little sister Clarissa for her early morning pony ride. You’re from Bromsgrove, children. Not the Bronx. You would shit yourself at the first sign of real trouble.
So yes. I am quick to anger.
Apparently, to my friends who are not scared of me in the least, this is hilarious, pathetic, childish and a great reason to make me feel extremely silly, guilty and apologetic for as long as they see fit. Which can be quite a long time. My friends are assholes.
My Mother has been telling me since I can remember that "your temper's going to get you into real trouble one day".
Sorry Mum. That temper has got me into trouble many days.
Whether it was clicking on the PUBLISH button of a furiously and thoughtlessly scribbled blog post, as hard as I could with the mouse just to emphasise the point, as if it were a digital punch or whether I threw the real thing. Whether I put my foot down to get around THAT PRAT IN FRONT WHO SHOULD BE DOING SIXTY HERE whilst making it clear I wished harm upon him via the medium of Kenco Coffee Bean gestures to the wrong person, or making my opinions felt a bit too vocally in the workplace, yes, I've landed myself in hot water.
Oh well. I'm doing alright. I'm doing pretty well at work, could do an awful lot better if I shut my mouth sometimes but luckily I have a good boss and colleague to curb my more mercurial tendencies. These two blokes should hate me but, after a few rough patches and some good bouts of honest to goodness getting shit done against the odds type of bloke stuff, oh and me getting my head out my ass and starting to act like a man instead of a spoilt child that's been refused his copy of Tits Weekly, we have a good professional and personal relationship.
As it happens, I have made great strides in moderating my reactions in the past couple of years; I now attempt to respond rather than react. Whilst it may be true that these responses start out with a google search for sources to back up my own opinion, there's every chance I will allow myself to be persuaded that things are not as cut and dried as all that.
Take same sex marriage, or more to the point, the same sex marriage bill. My first instinct was that any opposition to the bill was simple homophobia. Why shouldn't gay people have the opportunity to be as miserable as heterosexuals? It's offensive to your religion you say? I've got to be honest, the fact religion still has any say in the 21st Century offends me so we're pretty much at an impasse.
It'll confuse children? I doubt that very much. Children, if we're talking about those little humanoid things that are basically clean slates until their experiences of life start to form their world view, are pretty good at picking up new concepts. When I was 7, I had to set the video recorder for my parents who were 27 and 29 years old at the time. Could you imagine a 30 year old in 2013 not being able to casually set up the series link on a Sky+/V+ box? Of course not.
We stand on the shoulders of giants with every increase in knowledge. My baseline happened to be set with VHS recorders and the good old Atari 800XL and a very white, working class upbringing. Kids in Chard today will rub shoulders with other kids from much further afield than Tatworth or even Devon whilst having almost unfettered access to the knowledge and disinformation that the internet can provide. I'm sure the kids will be fine with this sea change in the marriage laws.
So, any opposition to the Same Sex Marriage Bill is just wantonly ignorant. As always, of course it's not that cut and dried. The Heresiarch of Heresy Corner is always a good place to visit if there's an issue that needs to be looked at from an angle that isn't completely partisan. He has a way of viewing and dissecting the events of the day, by producing posts that aren't tub thumping calls to arms for any particular colour of rosette. I tend to think of the Heresiarch as the blogging/political equivalent of Snopes.com; a good place to debunk.
"The Marriage Man: Cameron and heterosexual civil partnership" is no exception:
So not all opposition to Same Sex Marriage is completely without reason. I do however, find it hard to believe that any of the 'No' votes in parliament were anywhere near as reasoned as Heresiarch's thoughts on the matter.
My simplistic summing up is that, as long as there is an institution that allows two people to turn their pure and uncomplicated devotion for each other, into a quagmire of shitty regulation by whatever government is in place, which in turn is made even worse by some draconian and sexist divorce laws that benefit only the legal establishment and gold digging whores, then the gays should be given the same opportunity for ruin and shame as the straights.
That's the thorny issue of the gays and that sorted. What's next?
Take my commute for work. The ride in is usually fine. I catch the first lot of trains at around 6am, so it's not too busy and the delays (generally) haven't started yet. The trains are not top of the range, certainly not overly plush, but then I don't expect or want first class throughout. It's a train, not my front room or something out of MTV cribs.
I (generally) get exactly what I want from my commute in to work: The leg room is good, tables are generally available along with a much coveted Double Seat. The carriages are a good temperature; not hot enough to need to take your coat off, but you could if you wanted to. Most people are catching some shut eye and it's only occasionally a couple of idiot teenagers that spoil the silence. If not teenagers then a couple of middle aged Thelma and Louise types who appear to be embarking on some sort of adventure. They're so fucking chirpy for that time in the morning it's obscene! You are surrounded by grumpy people going to work. Shhhhh!
Those kids though, really should be packed into their own carriage. Or taught the error of their ways using methods that bear a striking resemblance to frying pan inspired cartoon violence.
Dear lord they bring out the beast in me. Last Monday morning, for example, was a complete and utter clusterfuck. It seemed as if the entire rail network had gone out at the weekend and got ruinously drunk. Signal problems at Worcester Shrub Hill meant that trains couldn't leave their depot and as is the case with any minor train problem early on, it snowballs. These trains were late which begat later trains which then gave birth to congestion, cancellations and routes being altered mid-journey.
I was slightly late and missed the 6am bus at the bottom of my street, which should have meant that I got the next one at half 6, got in to Brum for 7:15 and then the 7:19 to Malvern, getting into work half an hour later than expected.
Nope.
The 7:19 was allegedly 40 minutes late so it was rammed to the gills when two sets of commuters got on. As we went along we were told to change at Droitwich for Worcester Foregate Street and Malvern. A few stops later, we were told to stay on for Worcester Foregate Street and then change for Malvern.
All very tedious I’m sure you’ll agree but as the morning gets later, the trains become packed with lots and lots of horrible children and teenagers.
The “Rudeboys” that got on at Bromsgrove/Droitwich made me laugh. Well, they make me laugh now I’m sat here writing this. At the time I just wanted to choke each one and ram many, many elbows into their stupid, annoying, wannabe gangster, ignorant, loud fat faces. These kids couldn’t have acted harder and more street if they tried. They got on at Bromsgrove and got off at Malvern. I very much suspect that Mummy or Daddy dropped them off at the station just prior to taking little sister Clarissa for her early morning pony ride. You’re from Bromsgrove, children. Not the Bronx. You would shit yourself at the first sign of real trouble.
So yes. I am quick to anger.
Apparently, to my friends who are not scared of me in the least, this is hilarious, pathetic, childish and a great reason to make me feel extremely silly, guilty and apologetic for as long as they see fit. Which can be quite a long time. My friends are assholes.
My Mother has been telling me since I can remember that "your temper's going to get you into real trouble one day".
Sorry Mum. That temper has got me into trouble many days.
Whether it was clicking on the PUBLISH button of a furiously and thoughtlessly scribbled blog post, as hard as I could with the mouse just to emphasise the point, as if it were a digital punch or whether I threw the real thing. Whether I put my foot down to get around THAT PRAT IN FRONT WHO SHOULD BE DOING SIXTY HERE whilst making it clear I wished harm upon him via the medium of Kenco Coffee Bean gestures to the wrong person, or making my opinions felt a bit too vocally in the workplace, yes, I've landed myself in hot water.
Oh well. I'm doing alright. I'm doing pretty well at work, could do an awful lot better if I shut my mouth sometimes but luckily I have a good boss and colleague to curb my more mercurial tendencies. These two blokes should hate me but, after a few rough patches and some good bouts of honest to goodness getting shit done against the odds type of bloke stuff, oh and me getting my head out my ass and starting to act like a man instead of a spoilt child that's been refused his copy of Tits Weekly, we have a good professional and personal relationship.
As it happens, I have made great strides in moderating my reactions in the past couple of years; I now attempt to respond rather than react. Whilst it may be true that these responses start out with a google search for sources to back up my own opinion, there's every chance I will allow myself to be persuaded that things are not as cut and dried as all that.
Take same sex marriage, or more to the point, the same sex marriage bill. My first instinct was that any opposition to the bill was simple homophobia. Why shouldn't gay people have the opportunity to be as miserable as heterosexuals? It's offensive to your religion you say? I've got to be honest, the fact religion still has any say in the 21st Century offends me so we're pretty much at an impasse.
It'll confuse children? I doubt that very much. Children, if we're talking about those little humanoid things that are basically clean slates until their experiences of life start to form their world view, are pretty good at picking up new concepts. When I was 7, I had to set the video recorder for my parents who were 27 and 29 years old at the time. Could you imagine a 30 year old in 2013 not being able to casually set up the series link on a Sky+/V+ box? Of course not.
We stand on the shoulders of giants with every increase in knowledge. My baseline happened to be set with VHS recorders and the good old Atari 800XL and a very white, working class upbringing. Kids in Chard today will rub shoulders with other kids from much further afield than Tatworth or even Devon whilst having almost unfettered access to the knowledge and disinformation that the internet can provide. I'm sure the kids will be fine with this sea change in the marriage laws.
So, any opposition to the Same Sex Marriage Bill is just wantonly ignorant. As always, of course it's not that cut and dried. The Heresiarch of Heresy Corner is always a good place to visit if there's an issue that needs to be looked at from an angle that isn't completely partisan. He has a way of viewing and dissecting the events of the day, by producing posts that aren't tub thumping calls to arms for any particular colour of rosette. I tend to think of the Heresiarch as the blogging/political equivalent of Snopes.com; a good place to debunk.
"The Marriage Man: Cameron and heterosexual civil partnership" is no exception:
Never do the right thing for the wrong reasons. You invariably end up by alienating your friends, annoying the people you're trying to court, and looking like a stinking hypocrite, all the while tying yourself up in the knots of your own inconsistency. Observe David Cameron's predicament over same sex marriage. The principle might be good, but the government's proposals are rushed, incoherent and, I increasingly believe, prompted by expediency. Let's look at one glaring problem with the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill. In Prime Minister's Questions this lunchtime, Cameron admitted that the reason his government has refused to consider granting heterosexual couples the right to enter into civil partnerships, as their gay counterparts will still be able to after same-sex marriage is put into law, is that he fears that it will undermine marriage.Please do go and read the whole thing. 'Tis rather good.
So not all opposition to Same Sex Marriage is completely without reason. I do however, find it hard to believe that any of the 'No' votes in parliament were anywhere near as reasoned as Heresiarch's thoughts on the matter.
My simplistic summing up is that, as long as there is an institution that allows two people to turn their pure and uncomplicated devotion for each other, into a quagmire of shitty regulation by whatever government is in place, which in turn is made even worse by some draconian and sexist divorce laws that benefit only the legal establishment and gold digging whores, then the gays should be given the same opportunity for ruin and shame as the straights.
That's the thorny issue of the gays and that sorted. What's next?
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