I'm busting for a pee. Unfortunately, I'm at Birmingham New Street and I don't have 30 pence in change.
Not to worry though, if I have a pound coin or 50 pence piece I can use the Change machine conveniently located 10 yards to the right. To a country boy, or at least a small town in Somerset that's quite close to farms and bucolic stuff but not in any real sense of the term agricultural boy like me, this takes the piss.
I'm not really busting for a wee, not anymore. I didn't pay to go either. Why the hell should I? My taxes blah blah blah and whatever.
No. Bollocks to that, if Network Rail think it's alright to waste money on glossy posters telling us that Birmingham New Street is a building site when I can clearly see that it is, then I'm buggered if I'm paying to pee.
Don't jump the stile, by the way, people tend to notice that sort of thing. Just pull the top metal arm towards you, just enough to get a leg through followed by your back leg and stroll on towards that porcelain paradise. Well, for thirty pence it ought to be pristine.
I'm glad I didn't pay judging by the state of it in there. Disgusting.